Dear Men,
Let me speak to you from my heart and experience of working with men for so many years. I always feel a bit sad when I hear statements like:
“It doesn’t matter to me, I can go either way.”
“Whatever my partner wants will work for me.”
Men, you deserve more than that. Aside from the fact that children deserve to be wanted more than that I want to address what this neutrality may be about. I work with men who span the yes/no continuum when it comes to deciding about fatherhood. However, I want to write to you about when men feel neutral about fatherhood. This is the reason why most men want to work with me. Sometimes men come to work with me because they already know they’re going to choose Fatherhood but want to feel more excited about it. They want to understand why they don’t feel excited when they see other men enjoying being a father. I am always delighted to work with men whose consciousness about their decision of fatherhood is important to them.
I think one of the reasons you feel neutral about Fatherhood is because it appeared to you that your father felt neutral about you when you were young. I say appears because parents love their children very much but because of how they were hurt that love didn’t always come through in the way you needed or wanted it to. Men in this society are taught early on to not show their emotions. Men don't always know how to be close to their sons. This can leave sons feeling like they were not important or that they mattered.
This may sound simplistic and that is not my intention. There are many other reasons for ambivalence. However, through my experience this one shows up over and over. The good news is it’s not too late to do the work so that you can feel excited about becoming a father if that is your choice. By working through some of these issues you can learn how to be close to your son or daughter in the way that you would want to.
Choosing not to parent is a fine choice as well. The key is making a choice instead of someone else making it for you. It's also a lovely feeling to feel excited about any decision you make. You deserve to take the time to discover what's true for you.
With deep respect,
Ann Davidman
Feel free to contact me if you want help discovering your own truth:
510-595-4629
http://www.fatherhoodisitforme.com/
http://www.motherhoodisitforme.com/
With deep respect,
Ann Davidman
Feel free to contact me if you want help discovering your own truth:
510-595-4629
http://www.fatherhoodisitforme.com/
http://www.motherhoodisitforme.com/
